“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”
This makes perfect sense. In a society where sexism, patriarchy and misogyny exists it’s safe to assume that women’s bodies are seen as property and something to contro. Even random people on blogs believe they have the right to dictate women’s bodies and “make” them, with their thoughts adhere to the type of body preferred for women to have. It really isn’t about “actual attraction and beauty” because ever see/heard comments from sexist men (and women) saying ” She’s not my type but I wouldn’t turn her away” or “I normally don’t do (insert type of female here) but I’ll so do her”. Of course they wouldn’t pass up on a attractive(remember attractiveness is subjective) woman because she didn’t fit their standards. It’s about obedience. Men see women as obedient and disciplined when they stumble upon a woman who fits the physical and character standards they prefer. Hence the label “arm candy” or “eye candy”.
I’ve seen the way men react to fat women or larger women, it’s almost in an angry aggressive way. She’s called demeaning terms used to insult women like bitch, whore, slut, disgusting, stupid, worthless. It’s like “How dare she not look the way I want her to look when I walk around with this perfectly engrained vision of the perfect female body in my mind daily, I expect to see this on every woman I encounter!” They get mad and insulted the woman dare not fit into their monolith box of beauty standards for women. Almost like she was being disobedient to them directly. It’s all beginning to make more sense huh?
These same men will absolutely destory another guy for having a woman who doesn’t adhere to the beauty standards they prefer. He will be bashed far more than the woman he’s with because how dare he date a woman that’s not obedient, they believe it makes him look disobedient as well, and not trustworthy. When a man is seen with a fat woman, he’s assumed to be a failure. He’s seen as someone who’s still trying to “MAKE IT” because for men once they’ve made it the woman on their arms are suppose to reflect that. Even if the guy is just an average Joe from the neighborhood, the physical appearance of his woman makes his fellow man believe he’s “EXCEEDING” in some other part of his life.
Fat women are not the choice for established men, or even average Joe’s. I’ve yet to see any NBA player, NFL player, professor, lawyer, President, or any other higher ranked male with a fat woman. NFL player Cam Newton was rumored to be dating a girl when he was in College at Auburn and she was “thick” not fat but definitely above the typical barbie/model type most athletes choose. When he became more of an sports home name, his dating preferences changed and his newer girlfriend is smaller, lighter and the typical acceptable arm candy.
Similar with LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. If I can recall Dwayne Wade’s ex-wife was not the typical arm barbie like his new lady actress Gabrielle Union. She wasn’t super skinny but she was attractive imo, very around the way girl-ish. I used to frequent blogs when they were together and people would rip him and her a new one. Him for not having a better looking, thinner woman, and her for not being pretty enough or thin enough to be dating a very popular athlete. With LeBron James, as his wife was becoming more familiar with blogs and forums people were upset she didn’t look like they expected her to look. She was a thicker girl, she was brown, she didn’t have the glamorous look they all love, but she’s attractive. Every day I’d see comments from people criticizing her body (she wasn’t even fat, and if she was who cares), her hair, her makeup etc. Especially from men, they were in full rage about the fact that the best basketball player on the planet wasn’t dating a model or a glamour barbie. Both guys were met with the “You can do better” or “He’s suppose to have a dime on his arm” doesn’t matter how attractive the athlete is or isn’t it’s the cultural structure that successful men are suppose to have certain types of women on their arms. When hishe and his wife moved to Miami after he was traded she lost weight, she began to wear more makeup, more weave, she piled on the glamor. People were so happy seeing her after the wedding and kept saying how great she looks now that she’s lost weight. Nothing else mattered just the fact that she was thinner gave them a since of relief and contentment.
What’s really disturbing is seeing women say how amazed they are when they view a woman with abs or six packs. They say it’s because it’s a sign of discipline and dedication. It’s pretty sad. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women post celebrity post baby bodies. The media is obsessed with former pregnant women’s bodies after they give birth. A woman proving how fast she can bounce back to her smaller frame is also a symbol of obedience. People love gawking at the fact some woman has X amount of kinds and is able to display a certain type of body. It’s really pathetic because my sister’s had two kids, we work out together and she’s still not a size 2. So it’s again, safe to assume a lot of these women are going to great lengths to obtain this standard of obedience regarding their bodies.
The measurements and standards for women’s bodies is always “unrealistic” under the disguise of obedience. When a woman decides to cut her hair, she’s told “No, long hair is feminine, keep it” as if a guy would turn down the same attractive woman by their standards if she cut her hair. Or “No don’t change your boob size, they’re perfect”, or “She needs more boobs, she’s fat chested, a small C might be nice”, or “Her butt needs to be toned it has dimples and craters, it’s too big and jiggles” or “Her butt is so flat, she needs a butt lift or butt shots”, or “She’d perfect if she added this, subtracted that, didn’t have stretch marks, hips too big, not much hips”, the list goes on and on.
Combine those things with the obsession of thin bodies on women and you have a rules that I wouldn’t even assign to a dog. The media helps reinforce thin obedience with blogs that showcase “beach bodies” in which none of them are never of curvy or fat celebrity women. The title “Beach Body” indicates that these women have been working so hard to obtain these figures now they are “ALLOWED” to parade them around while we applaud them for their obedience.
I compare and contrast the reaction after a female celebrity loses weight, especially a black female celebrity to when a male celebrity loses weight and the comments are drastically different for many reasons. Women are lauded with excitement and exclamation points “Omg she’s lost so much weight she looks amazing!” and if they’re seen 3 years later “I’m amazed at how she’s kept that weight off, she looks so good and so much healthier”. Like what is the “healthy” look? Health has a look? When a man loses weight he rarely gets comments, it’s like “Meh, a man losing weight, boring”. Or more often that not he’s accused of having AIDS, being sick, or on drugs. A lot of the time women say “He looked better fat, I like me a husky man” and no one comes to bombard them with health talk regarding men. This reaction is only reserved for women.
What’s sad is that we adhere to body obedience in many ways be it weight or sexuality. Women believe it’s right and women conform faster and quicker than men, because girls are taught from day 1 that their worth is solely based on their looks.